From Dr. Larry

Dr. Larry Gelman is fiercely devoted to each client, with a deep and profound respect for their own self-agency and self-determination.

“3+/-E’s”

In my opinion, there are three positive (+) or good “E’s” and three negative (-) or bad “E’s”.

The first good “E” is to be “Effective.”

To do what you set out to do.
To finish what you started.
To do it correctly, preferably the first time.
To achieve the desired result.

If you are not effective, then you are ineffective.

To not do what you set out to do.
To not finish what you started.
To not do it correctly the first time.
To not achieve the desired result.

Effective is good; ineffective is less good but not, necessarily, bad.

Because you can do more of what you set out to do than less...
Because you can finish more of what you started than less...
Because you can do it more incrementally correctly than less...
Because you can achieve more of the desired result than less.

The second good “E” is to be “Efficient.”

To waste not, is to want not.
To maximize produced outcomes by minimizing consumable resources.
To capitalize upon all “economies of scale.”
To learn the “lessons from history” so as to not repeat the wrong ones.

If you are not efficient, then you are inefficient.

To waste and, therefore, to want.
To minimize produced outcomes by maximizing consumable resources.
To squander the benefits and opportunities of utilizing any and/or all “economies of scale.”
To fail to learn the “lessons from history” and become “doomed to repeat them.”

Efficient is good; inefficient is less good but not, necessarily, bad.

Because you can re-invest in resource conservation and de-invest in resource depletion...
Because you can “work smarter, not harder”...
Because you can eventually get better at how you work any workable “scale”...
Because you risk making new mistakes and not keep repeating the same old ones.

The third good “E” is “Ethics.”

To set an aspirational bar of comportment higher than any comfortable reach.
To do what is right and not just to do the right thing.
To recalibrate an organic moral compass which guides your way.
To live with “surrender to a higher principle” than you.

If you are not ethical, then you are unethical.

To do what is, essentially, easy and effortless but not, necessarily, commit to a real sacrifice of “heart and soul.”
To do the “right thing” technically, procedurally or legally but not the right “right.”
To live with a defective “compass” which can only get you “close,” like in the game of horseshoes.
To do possible harm by transgressing, ignoring or rationalizing-away the “Golden Rule.”

Ethical is good; unethical is less good but not, necessarily, bad.

Because you can acquire a “heart” like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz and maybe just a little bit of “soul”...
Because you can do the ’right thing” and still do what’s “right”...
Because you can tweak errors early and often along the “flight path” and still get back “on track”...
Because you can do less harm by engaging in fewer fouls!

The first bad “E” is “Enmeshment.”

To participate in or contribute to any undifferentiated “blobby” relationship.
To lose your self and not think because there must be no self and only “groupthink.”
To entangle your “dys-identity” in the insidious web of “co-dys-identity.”
To allow your alignment for the “oneness” for another to “hold hostage” you to their truth.

If you are not enmeshed, then you are likely “unenmeshed,” “de-enmeshed” (and, hopefully, differentiated).

To explore your interests and to develop your skills as an individual beholden, predominantly, to you.
To appropriately “find” your self, “be” yourself and “think” for yourself, no matter what.
To assiduously be ever vigilant against the perils, idiocy and false love of “co-dependency.”
To be free to be who you need to be for you and, thereafter, for all those you love!

“Enmeshment” is simply a negative and is definitely to be avoided at all costs.

The second bad “E” is Enabling.”

To enable is to help another by disabling them to not do for themselves what they need to do and must do.
To enable is to excuse another for their refusal to assume personal responsibility and personal accountability.
To enable is to reinforce the “ok-ness” for you and the other to be “ok” with their being “not ok” and your being “ok” with their being “not ok.”
To enable is to sanction wrong conduct and attitude as acceptable because it is your/their right when it’s actually not.

If you are not enabling then you are “abling.”

To challenge yourself and other to be better and do better for other and for self.
To assume personal responsibility and personal accountability for whomsoever’s actions are theirs without any excuse.
To disavow the “ok-ness” of being “ok” when you’re “not ok” because “not ok” is not ok.
To “able” right conduct and attitude as acceptable because it is your moral obligation to do right, not just to, transitorily, feel right!

“Enabling” is another negative and is definitely to be avoided at all costs.

The third bad “E” is “Entitlement.”

To expect special treatment from the world because in your mind, you’re “owed.”
To expect special treatment from the world because in your mind, it is something you “deserve.”
To expect special treatment from the world because in your mind, you’re “better” than others.
To expect special treatment from the world because in your mind, others need to know that you are truly “special!”

“Entitlement” is another negative and may be the most destructive and alienating of the three bad “E’s.”

To reiterate:

The three positive (+) and good “E’s” are: “Effectiveness” + “Efficiency” + “Ethicality” = Positive Results.
The three negative (-) and bad “E’s” are: “Enmeshment” + “Enabling” + “Entitlement” = Negative Results.

Sooner or later, either outcome will eventually be a function of your choices and the actions which consistently and appropriately follow because the math is very clear and obvious even if you’re not very good with numbers.

One positive “E” plus a second positive “E” plus a third positive “E” equals a positive result which is good.
One negative “E” plus a second negative “E” plus a third negative “E” equals a negative result which is bad.

If you do the math, it is really very easy to determine which result is most preferable.

Author Note: Dr. Larry B. Gelman is a Clinical Psychologist and a Personal Mentor


PMS Blog Comments Policy | PMS Copyright | PMS Disclaimer | PMS Citation Information

www.personalmentoringservices.com

© 2015 Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA), Personal Mentoring Services (PMS)

Dr. Larry B. Gelman, Dr. Glenn B. Gelman, All Rights Reserved.

Robbed at Gunpoint
"Assertiveness Formula"
enafsqarhyazeubebgcazh-CNzh-TWhrcsdanlettlfifrglkadeelhtiwhihuisidgaitjakolvltmkmsmtnofaplptrorusrskslesswsvthtrukurvicyyi
Go to top