Have we got a terrific deal for all you boys and girls today!
Only one to a customer but, shhh, you have our unrestricted permission to faithfully use our special “assertiveness formula” as often as you want!
You will absolutely, positively improve your communication and conflict resolution competencies with each use, guaranteed, or your money back!
However, you must act right now!
If you wait to long, I am sorry to inform you that you will surely lose.
This is a “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity and the stakes are high.
So without any further ado or hullabaloo...
Hurry, hurry, hurry folks!
If you prefer not luck but skill...
Step right up and get your brand spanking new “assertiveness formula” in just three“easy steps” at absolutely no charge...
...but only, after you look the other person directly in the eye...and then say their name.
1. “I feel (use only one feeling word) ______________________________________________________________________,”
2. “because (provide a brief reason about why you feel as you do) _________________________________________,”
3. ”and I want you to (be very specific about what will address how you feel) _____________________________.”
In case you didn’t know...
Assertiveness, as opposed to aggressiveness, is not about “getting even” but rather is all about “getting respect.”
Respect starts with you, irradiates outward to all others, and culminates with you respecting you no matter what!
When you “assert” yourself, you “assert” that you are worthy of “taking a stand” and “standing for something.” That “something” is you, along with the principles and values, which define who you are and will not be!
Since “violence is always the last refuge of the incompetent,” any “loser” with moral turpitutde can behave badly but it takes a “winner” of virtue to “aim higher and do better;” not to just shout or lash out because they can!
The exciting, new and improved “assertiveness formula” free offer is all-the-more amazing because...
It is really so very simple to memorize and so remarkably terse in its linguistic wallop: “I feel because and I want.”
Please be sure not to underestimate the inestimable power of its latent punch, which sneaks up like a “haymaker.”
Now a small word of caution; instead of using a feeling word, if you say “that” after “I feel” you will likely assert what you think and not how you feel because a feeling word is a single word used to express a feeling.
Feelings are inherently pre-verbal and pre-logical, as affective experience is an ontogenetic precursor to cognition, unless, of course, you choose to explicate that which has, hitherto, been pre-logical, pre-verbal or personally experienced to be within the realm of “private knowledge..."
In which case you run the intended risk of consensualizing it so that it morphs into a verbalization of “public knowledge” which represents something “public” about the subjective experiential reality of the one “owning” how they feel.
Be neither afraid, nor a titch-not delayed, for this super rich “assertiveness formula” is really the magical secret formula used by most of the better men and better gods on Mount Olympus and other such venues and time-share destinations.
Remember that a feeling word is a word which expresses a feeling, like happy or sad ordisappointed or glad, but a thinking word is a word which expresses a thinking, like right or wrong or weak or strong.
All that remains to address and resolve is whatever engendered the patent feeling at all.
Argumentum ad hominem, is against the rule because it’s usually verboten in a proper court room school;
Better to sit or stand on a stool, then formulaically assert the tenets of your case...how cool!
And why in the face do you look in their eye?
To assert how you feel from the truth of your “I.”
Author Note: Dr. Larry B. Gelman is a Clinical Psychologist and a Personal Mentor
© 2015 Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA), Personal Mentoring Services (PMS)
Dr. Larry B. Gelman, Dr. Glenn B. Gelman, All Rights Reserved.