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Have you ever found yourself deep into something besmirching which was really messy, icky or dirty in your life? If so, consider my counseling and mentoring visual metaphor of a foot-in-the-garbage can. In fact, I challenge you to actually do it right now! Find a garbage can to accommodate your foot and stick it as far down and as deep into the container as possible. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth several times in rhythmic fashion to calm yourself. Contemplate your predicament. Ascertain very deeply how you got into the situation in the first place. Give some considered......
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I Might Just Piss You Off!

Not that I wish to offend, but sometimes I must.The truth hurts and so, too, does a lie. “Mirror, mirror on the wall...” am I the fairest one of all?Of course you are! After all, who wouldn’t see just how very special you are?Except for the fact that you are not always right. Or good. Or kind. Or considerate. Or respectful.In fact, sometimes, you are wrong! And nasty. And mean. And selfish. And spiteful.True or false? Here is where I can help.With a passionate calling to counsel and to mentor. Confess-conceal, pretend-be real!To get from here to there, just sometimes... You need ......
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“2nd Hardest Thing”

“The 2nd hardest thing that any one of us will ever have to do in our lives is to get up out of bed each morning!” When you get up out of bed, you have made an affirmative choice to pursue a pathway to engage in self-agency as your own prime agent. The first pathway is to be passive and dependent with you watching and waiting to see what will happen. The second pathway is to be active and independent with you doing something to make something happen. The third pathway is to be a frozen sculpture in space and time and......
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Late, Later, Latest… Too Late

Wait, wait, wait.Wait until it’s late. Soon it will be late.Now it is late.Late, late, late... LATE! Soon it will be later.Now it is later.Later, later, later… LATER! Soon it will be latest.Now it is latest.Latest, latest, latest… LATEST! Soon it will be too late.Now it is too late.Too late, too late, too late… TOO LATE! No need to wait.It’s too late. Author Note: Dr. Glenn B. Gelman is a Clinical Psychologist and a Personal Mentor PMS Blog Comments Policy | PMS Copyright | PMS Disclaimer | PMS Citation Information www.personalmentoringservices.com © 2016 Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA), Personal Mentoring Services (......
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Winners and Losers

The problem with “winners” is that the “losers” almost invariably seek revenge and retaliation.  And when the “losers” eventually become the “winners,” the process recapitulates itself, ad infinitum. Human beings seem to innately discern, very quickly, what is deemed to be “fair” or “not fair.”  When someone believes they have been treated “not fair” the feelings engendered often are to “get even.” By “leveling-the-playing-field” and “making the other guy pay” we seek to “even the score.”  Of course, a “tied-score” gets all combatants to “even” or the equivalent of being “zero-ed-out.” At “zero,” there can be no compelling justification for “the thrill of victory” or “the agony of defeat.”Recall that when ......
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How to Be a Good “Crazy” Person!

Many years ago I stumbled upon the ‘secret formula’ of how to be a good “crazy” person:Simply live your life in such a way that you “know you know and know you mustn’t...”Then whatever follows can only remain a compensatory adaptation to living your life a lie! The ‘antidote’ is equally straightforward:When you “know you know, and know, and act accordingly and consistently with that which you know...”Then whatever follows can only result in living your life a truth! I suspect that most of us “know” what we “know” even when we don’t “know” how we “know.”In addition, we often “know” when we “know” even though we don’t “know” ......
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Your Choice

It is easy to succeed at failing. Almost anyone can achieve this simple goal. Simply start by knowing right from wrong. Then choose wrong. By choosing wrong you can’t go right. (Except that three left turns make a right). Because when you choose not right... You have made your choice. All that remains is for you to act upon it. It is easy to succeed at succeeding. Almost anyone can achieve this simple goal. Simply start by knowing right from wrong. Then choose right. By choosing right you can’t go wrong. (Except that three right turns make a left). Because when you......
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Reaction vs. Response

Do you know the difference between a reaction and a response? Consider a marionette which is a puppet manipulated by the puppet master or marionetteer. When the strings are pulled, the marionette reacts in a passive and dependent manner. It has no choice but to do the bidding of its puppet master because it is only just a puppet. Whenever any string is pulled, a predictable reaction follows. This is stimulus-response psychology at an extremely primitive level. For each and every stimulus, a corresponding response follows. However, in strict linguistic terms, the response is actually a stimulus-bound reaction. The reaction is......
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Living with Regret

Regret is that state of being, which occurs either momentarily and/or for all eternity, in which the person living with regret, has chosen, of their own free will, to act or to behave in a manner, which results in a harm to self and/or to another. In other words, regret is generally an avoidable consequence when infractible behavior fails to occur. What might this mean to an individual who wants to live their life without regret? Do no harm! If you give your word, keep it. If you believe in something, stand for it, support it, fight for it. Walk the......
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"Feelings Aren't Right"

“Feelings aren’t right.”They simply exist to orient us to what we need, want or require. Affective experience is an ontogenetic precursor to cognition.Developmentally, feelings occur long before our thinking with language is possible. As such, feelings are pre-verbal and pre-logical.Again, they simply exist to orient us to what we need, want or require. A feeling is a transitory emotional state which will vary according to context.To state this point differently, all feelings are subject to change! Affective experience is the emotional iceberg below the visible tip of the felt feeling.It comprises any given feeling in relation to the experiencing of the entir......
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Robbed at Gunpoint

Robbed at gunpoint by only three men.Three against one seemed like overkill then. Money they wanted and demanded it now.If I refused, they promised to shoot me...pow! I said, if you please, a moment will I need.Assessing if I ought to acquiesce or bleed. Surprised were their faces when asked I for time.We got the gun, sucker; can drop you on a dime! Gun pointed directly an inch from my chest.Heart pounding furiously unable to rest. Thought crossed my mind, I might fight my way out.But then quickly realized I could not even shout. Said gun grew larger, a real Colt......
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In my opinion, there are three positive (+) or good “E’s” and three negative (-) or bad “E’s”. The first good “E” is to be “Effective.” To do what you set out to do.To finish what you started.To do it correctly, preferably the first time.To achieve the desired result. If you are not effective, then you are ineffective. To not do what you set out to do.To not finish what you started.To not do it correctly the first time.To not achieve the desired result. Effective is good; ineffective is less good but not, necessarily, bad. Because you can do more of what you set out to......
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"Assertiveness Formula"

Have we got a terrific deal for all you boys and girls today! Only one to a customer but, shhh, you have our unrestricted permission to faithfully use our special “assertiveness formula” as often as you want! You will absolutely, positively improve your communication and conflict resolution competencies with each use, guaranteed, or your money back! However, you must act right now! If you wait to long, I am sorry to inform you that you will surely lose. This is a “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity and the stakes are high. So without any further ado or hullabaloo... Hurry, hurry, hurry folks! If you prefer ......
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It is a simple error of logic to think that with the passage of time and the scientific assertion of evolution as a positive consequence of “natural selection,” that modern day human beings are so complexly different from our prehistoric ancestors. Comparison of our respective limbic systems would likely reveal not all that much substantive difference between us. Does anyone honestly believe that if modern man, or cave man, was confronted with a hungry saber tooth tiger, a “40 day and 40 night” long flood or an unremitting toothache that either would react emotionally all that differently? Our emotional fight-flight system i......
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Love Lessons

All of the circumstances, events and happenings associated with the gradual awakening that we are born, live and die, invite deep thought as to which developmental tasks are required of every individual to successfully navigate and integrate each of these rewarding and perilous passages. The first crucible that birth confronts us with is the Herculean task of learning to love our Self. This is complicated because, in order for us to succeed on this test, we require habilitative and rehabilitative inputs and reactions to tasks from “outside-in” over a very long period of time and also what happens during the pass......
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Catching a Chimp

I once heard a story; About a very clever method; For catching a chimp. To be sure, I confess; I am truly uncertain; As to the true veracity of the tale; Yet, whether true or false; The implications are; Quite utterly profound! Start with an elongated; Heavy metal or ceramic urn; New or used will do; Do not monkey around! Put a tasty banana; Or olfactorily-pleasing cookie; At the very bottom; Of the weighty container; Now simply relax and wait; For soon you will see; A curious chimp; Actually a chimpanzee; Will sniff a tempting treat; With greed and desire; Arm......
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The Three Legged Stool of Character

“Character” is a “three-legged stool.” It is who you are when everything is going your way.It is who you are when nothing is going your way.It is who you are when no one is looking. The three legs do not have to be even. But the “stool” must be able to stand on its own.One leg may be longer or shorter or larger or smaller.But the “stool” must be able to stand on its own. The interesting thing about “character” is that everything matters and that everthing is connected to everything all the time. The person you want to become actually depends upon who yo......
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The Fulcrum of Truth

  Imagine a teeter-totter on a playground. The balance-point or center is called the fulcrum. Now think of the word: T-R-U-T-H equally positioned on the teeter-totter. Where is the fulcrum? It’s U! Now think of the word: T-R-U-S-T equally positioned on the teeter-totter.Where is the fulcrum? Again, it’s U! Take a breath.Hold it.Exhale. Think long and hard and deep.Consider what this means. If U are the fulcrum of your truth...And if U are the fulcrum of your trust...Then U are the fulcrum of you! The balance-point or center of the truth of your trust and the trust in your truth must......
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5 Answers to Every Question

In my opinion, there are at least 5 answers to every question! 1. A 2. B 3. Both A and B 4. Neither A and B 5. Or something else we’re not smart-enough to know right now. The typical reply to a question is usually positional or A. The typical counter reply is usually oppositional, i.e., not A, or B. A: “The sky is blue.”B: “The sky is not blue.” A: “My religion is the one and only true religion.”B: “Your religion is not the one and only true religion.” A: “I’m OK, you’re not.”B: “No, I’m OK, you’re not.” When we dichotomize our answers and co......
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No one wants to be the one who is not “chosen.”There is almost always a sense that the “final selection” is, ultimately, unfair to one or more of the principals...As well as, inevitable questions being raised about one or more unfair criteria utilized in the selection-process. We may ask, rhetorically, what about the “chosen” one is any better than anyone else?Why was so-and-so “chosen” and I was “not chosen?”And, vice-a-versa, if applicable. Deep-down, we, intuitively, know that “everyone should be treated equally.”Or, at least, we presume they ought to be, apart from the “accidental” circumstances of birth...As a fundamental, self-evident and inalienable human right.And......
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