19:1 RULE

For your immediate consideration, may I suggest a little tool? Before you criticize yourself or another, please apply my 19:1 rule. If you look hard-enough for fault, you will surely find it in each and every 1. And “as you sow, so too shall you reap,” when all has been said and done. But if 19 times prior, appropriate acknowledgement is both posit...
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Roses and Thorns

The task in the beginning is to learn to love self. This is accomplished by the provision of healthy caretaker inputs from outside-in. A child must first be loved, in order to learn how to experience love, in order to learn how to love. Learning to love your self is a crucial developmental task for love to have experiential personal meaning. The ro...
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“I Am Not A Man...”

For much of my professional career as a practicing clinical psychologist, I have articulated a sincere and explicit sentiment with virtually every adult female client and, usually by the end of the first session, that within the context of our professional relationship, “I am not a man but a doctor!” My reason has been to continually remind myself ...
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The Organ Grinder's Monkey

Emerson reminds us that while “one may serve many masters, he shall give himself to none.” Phrased a bit differently, we eventually need to choose to whom we will allocate our resources of blood, sweat and tears. It is my contention that, by deluding ourselves into believing that we can successfully serve everybody, we will eventually discover that...
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The Dance of Relationships

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Relationships between a man and a woman are like a dance. With a dance, we have been taught that “the man leads, the woman follows.” However, in my opinion, the man leads by following the woman to lead him. The woman follows by leading the man to follow her. Consider my version, on psychological grounds, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Adam ...
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The Recital

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The children squirmed anxiously, eagerly, bedazzled by the hustle-bustle flurry about them. Mothers worked at fever‑pitch, mending leotards, pinning tutus, making last‑minute alterations to hemlines. Expectant fathers fidgeted, and, as if a bit out of place, busied themselves by checking and rechecking their camcorders. Grandparents bounced babies ...
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What Are You Worth?

Many people I have encountered over the years erroneously believe they are “worth” what they want to be “worth,” what they hope to be “worth,” or even what they idealize themselves to be “worth.” Those who are extremely concrete and literal, incorrectly, assess what they are “worth” by the “bottom line” of their financial portfolio or the kinds of ...
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Whole and Holey

When I think of the personal mentors in my life, I am reminded of their sage insights, their discerning candor, and the genuineness of their own “walk.” Mostly, I recall their unflagging commitment to me – guiding me forward, sometimes back, often up and down and around, and sideways a few times, to be sure, but always in service of me – and my per...
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