Recent blog posts - Personal Mentoring Services

Somewhere between white belt and black belt, thirty-five years ago or so, I recall one promotional examination where the testing requirement from the grandmaster was for the student to break a one inch pine board with a simple reverse punch. The...

The Fulcrum of Truth

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Imagine a teeter-totter on a playground. The balance-point or center is called the fulcrum. Now think of the word: T-R-U-T-H equally positioned on the teeter-totter. Where is the fulcrum? It’s U! Now think of the word: T-R-U-S-T equally positioned on the teeter-totter.Where is the fulcrum? Again,...

“I Am Not A Man...”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

For much of my professional career as a practicing clinical psychologist, I have articulated a sincere and explicit sentiment with virtually every adult female client and, usually by the end of the first session, that within the context of our...

Living with Regret

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Regret is that state of being, which occurs either momentarily and/or for all eternity, in which the person living with regret, has chosen, of their own free will, to act or to behave in a manner, which results in a...

Responsibility

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

What is the root word in responsible? Might it be “response?” We know from various noted references that the construct of responsibility conveys a sense of moral obligation or accountability, usually, to another (or to oneself). However, what specific response...

Silver Linings

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Depression among the elderly. The thought assaults the senses. One conjures images of wintered, diminished existences: life as relentless despair. See the dispirited old man, once proud and vital, now sad eyes glazed and emptied; the fractured, frail widow, demoralized...

My Eulogy

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

As I confront my mortality, it occurs to me that when I die, there will probably be one or two individuals who may feel some compulsion “to say a few words,” in memoriam. While I have no plans of leaving this...

“It’s Only 8 Hours, Sonny Boy!”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

It was just a part-time job during the summer between my third and fourth year of high school. Not quite 16 and I was the designated quality-control inspector at a major tool manufacturing company in Chicago. Much to my genuine...

The Three Legged Stool of Character

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

“Character” is a “three-legged stool.” It is who you are when everything is going your way.It is who you are when nothing is going your way.It is who you are when no one is looking. The three legs do not have to...

"Time Heals" Absolutely Nothing!

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

It is said that “time heals all wounds...” But I know that “time heals” absolutely nothing! Time is a very clever hypothetical construct. It can be defined in a great many ways... But it must not be defined in all ways. There is a certain...

“PSYCHOBIOSOCIOGEOPOLITICOECONOMIC”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In my opinion, symptoms, typically, do not occur within a vacuum but, rather, within an ‘n’-dimensional, multi-latticed, multi-tiered, multi-multipled context! This multi-dimensioned context provides a crucial staging ground from within which, and out from which, the adaptive meaning, purpose and value...

Judo Lesson

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

No student was permitted to study judo by my martial arts grandmaster until they had earned a black belt in tai kwon do. The belief was that tai kwon do made you strong from the outside-in, whereas, judo made you...

"I Am..."

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Master: “Who are you?” Disciple #1: “I am a human being in the process of becoming.” Disciple #2: “I am a human being in-process.” Disciple #3: “I am a human being.” Disciple #4: “I am a human.” Disciple #5: “I am a being.” Disciple #6: “I...

Safe, Healthy, Happy

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

What do parents really and truly want for their children? We want them to be “safe, healthy and happy.” Everything else is “frosting on the cake.” Parents can survive anything save for the loss of their child. If a child is dead “all hope...

What Are You Worth?

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Many people I have encountered over the years erroneously believe they are “worth” what they want to be “worth,” what they hope to be “worth,” or even what they idealize themselves to be “worth.” Those who are extremely concrete and literal,...

The Cause of Death

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

There is an old joke that “the cause of death for everyone is life!” It has also been said that “the moment you are born, you begin to die.” Admittedly, some people are living to die while other people are dying to...

Robbed at Gunpoint

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Robbed at gunpoint by only three men.Three against one seemed like overkill then. Money they wanted and demanded it now.If I refused, they promised to shoot me...pow! I said, if you please, a moment will I need.Assessing if I ought to acquiesce...

Child's Lament

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Is life so dear Or death so near That victories are our food? Competition is tough And winning is rough And our mannerisms are crude. Is striving for gains Or wracking our brains For wealth and ugly power... All that we are living for In these rugged Uncomfortable hours? Author Note: Dr....

"Mop's Here..."

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

He was a “full-bird Colonel," of Napoleonic stature, always with an enormous Churchill in his mouth. The highest ranking officer of our army medical reserve unit and the rest of “the brass,” along with the rest of the troops, held...

Mentoring Moment

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Disciple: “Lost I am, now must I what do?”Master: “A path you seek, may search I with you?” Disciple: “Direction implore I, do still I forsooth!”Master: “Illusion is maya, truth is truth.” Disciple: “Is maya of maya, not the ideal?”Master: “Illusion is...

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Over the course of my career as a clinical psychologist, I have thought very deeply about progress, regress and stasis. Why do some people go forward, others go backward, others still go nowhere at all? Additionally, what is elemental about...

Difference Makers

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Students often beseech me about how critical it is for them to get an “A” in my courses. “Dr. Gelman,” they implore at semester’s start, “I need an ‘A’ in your course. I have a 4.0 so far and I...

Rafting the Colorado

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Not quite twenty-six years ago, my wife, daughter and I rafted the Colorado River with an experienced river guide. The expectations were explicitly communicated by her advising us to “... remain in the raft at all times and follow my...

Redundant Systems

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

There is a “rule of thirds” which skilled mariners utilize to assess how far out into the deep blue sea they can go before they run out of fuel and can no longer safely return to their port of departure. Use...

The Thinker

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In quiet moments when I am in deep contemplative thought, pretending I have introduced myself to a new imaginary playmate, I increasingly find myself conjuring a brief conversation with Rodin’s sculpture, The Thinker. While I certainly appreciate that the artist may...

Mastery

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I used to think that mastery was a function of education, training and experience over time, place and circumstance. I was dead wrong! Mastery, like ethics, I suspect, is an aspirational goal. As such, it is not an end-point along a singular way;...

"I Ain't Got None"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

My love of words was engendered by my mother. She was a master at feeding her three small children as a single parent with nary a nickel to work with and yet she always was able to cook-up a concatination...

Your Choice

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

It is easy to succeed at failing. Almost anyone can achieve this simple goal. Simply start by knowing right from wrong. Then choose wrong. By choosing wrong you can’t go right. (Except that three left turns make a right). Because when you choose not right... You have...

Infrastructure

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

What carpenter in their “right mind” would begin to build a house by starting with the roof?What parent would give their 6 year old keys to the family car before they could ride a bicycle?What employer would promote an entry-level...

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

My bias is clearly explicated and wholly unequivocal. Each and every single time I deign to venture, even slightly outside my scope of professionalism and licensure, I invoke a well-rehearsed refrain that “...off the record, as a lay person in...

"Writing on the Wall"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I recall applying for an internal management position at my then place of full-time employment almost thirty years ago. My friendly competition included two candidates, both of whom, I often professionally supervised on an informal collegial basis at their request. Of the...

Inciting Insight and Activating Action

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The purpose of my writing is to “incite insight” and to “activate action.” I have no objection to ideas and efforts which differ from my own. In fact, I welcome them. My humble goal is to think and judge and act for myself. Along...

Pain

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

On November 8, 2010 I had an L2-S1 spinal fusion with multiple discectomies and multiple laminectomies to address degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis and spinal scoliosis. Orthopedic experts were uncertain as to causality, however, I suspect that my sitting for...

"You are Pranam!"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Many years ago, when our practice served as a training center for doctoral candidates in clinical and counseling psychology, I recall supervising an intern from a foreign land who, despite my best efforts to injunct her from standing at attention...

“3+/-E’s”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In my opinion, there are three positive (+) or good “E’s” and three negative (-) or bad “E’s”. The first good “E” is to be “Effective.” To do what you set out to do.To finish what you started.To do it correctly, preferably...

The Organ Grinder's Monkey

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Emerson reminds us that while “one may serve many masters, he shall give himself to none.” Phrased a bit differently, we eventually need to choose to whom we will allocate our resources of blood, sweat and tears. It is my contention...

Nugget of Gold

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Alaska had always been a life-long dream destination for a poor, inner-city kid like me, so when my wife asked what I really wanted to do for our 25th wedding anniversary, almost eighteen years ago, I jumped at the prospect...

Just This Much!

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I recall sitting in my third-grade classroom, looking at the other children sitting at their classroom desks and lazily wondering just what the critical differential was between poor, fair, good, excellent and superior outcomes. As fate would have it, some workmen...

Catching a Chimp

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I once heard a story; About a very clever method; For catching a chimp. To be sure, I confess; I am truly uncertain; As to the true veracity of the tale; Yet, whether true or false; The implications are; Quite utterly profound! Start with an elongated; Heavy metal or ceramic...

Late, Later, Latest… Too Late

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The Recital

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The children squirmed anxiously, eagerly, bedazzled by the hustle-bustle flurry about them. Mothers worked at fever‑pitch, mending leotards, pinning tutus, making last‑minute alterations to hemlines. Expectant fathers fidgeted, and, as if a bit out of place, busied themselves by checking...

Love Lessons

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

All of the circumstances, events and happenings associated with the gradual awakening that we are born, live and die, invite deep thought as to which developmental tasks are required of every individual to successfully navigate and integrate each of these...

Once A Murderer

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

“Once a murderer, always a murderer.” I have pondered these words for years. Is it really true? If someone commits a sin, must they, forever, remain a sinner? We recall King David as “the giant slayer” who became a wise and good ruler. Yet he...

"Could Always Be Worse"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Editor's note: In this simple 4-line quixotic quatrain, Dr. Larry offers a profound commentary about our fleeting lives and the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective. We’re born. We live. We die. Could always be worse! Author Note: Dr. Larry B. Gelman is a Clinical...

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

O. Hobart Mowrer, the noted psychologist, reminds us of the inextricable interrelationship between sin, guilt and psychopathology. In brief, we commit sin; we feel guilt; we punish ourselves. As I ponder Mowrer’s notion, it occurs to me that the commission of...

Now

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The moment of ”now” is the nodal point connecting historicity with teleology, or more simply, past with future in the present. The past is over-and-done-with unless it is represented in the moment of the now in some way. The future is...

32 Edits

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I recently wrote a very short article which required 32 edits. My written work, I thought, was substandard and the message, I thought, was unclear. When I write, consistent excellence is my minimum standard and my point must be sharp and penetrating... Unless,...

"Assertiveness Formula"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Have we got a terrific deal for all you boys and girls today! Only one to a customer but, shhh, you have our unrestricted permission to faithfully use our special “assertiveness formula” as often as you want! You will absolutely, positively improve...

Bullying

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I grew up in a fairly rough Chicago neighborhood. Gangs were everywhere and the girl-gang was, especially, scary! But the bottom-line was there was a “code” and a “pecking-order.” Invariably, the “big peckers” were surrounded by “little peckers.” Pecking someone down was designed to...

Two-To-The-Third

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Every good carpenter knows the ’old saw’ to “measure twice, cut once.” The idea is to check and re-check the correct measurement because once you cut you cannot re-cut. If you cut according to specifications, you are usually “good-to-go.” If you do not...

Whole and Holey

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

When I think of the personal mentors in my life, I am reminded of their sage insights, their discerning candor, and the genuineness of their own “walk.” Mostly, I recall their unflagging commitment to me – guiding me forward, sometimes...

“2nd Hardest Thing”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

“The 2nd hardest thing that any one of us will ever have to do in our lives is to get up out of bed each morning!” When you get up out of bed, you have made an affirmative choice to pursue...

Good Servers

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

A “good server” provides a “good service” by filling a need and, thereby, rendering a valuable service “good and true.” “Good servers” provide “good service” and serve their end-user, client or customer very well, indeed! “Bad servers” leave a bad taste in...

Roses and Thorns

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The task in the beginning is to learn to love self. This is accomplished by the provision of healthy caretaker inputs from outside-in. A child must first be loved, in order to learn how to experience love, in order to learn how...

Three Questions to "Know Thyself"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In my opinion, there are three questions to ask and to answer, as honestly as possible, in order to “know thyself.” #1. Who are you?#2. What is important to live for?#3. What are you doing about it? The apparent simplicity of these...

19:1 RULE

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

For your immediate consideration, may I suggest a little tool?Before you criticize yourself or another, please apply my 19:1 rule.If you look hard-enough for fault, you will surely find it in each and every 1.And “as you sow, so too...

5 Answers to Every Question

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In my opinion, there are at least 5 answers to every question! 1. A 2. B 3. Both A and B 4. Neither A and B 5. Or something else we’re not smart-enough to know right now. The typical reply to a question is usually positional...

"I Count Grains of Sand"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

He was but a humble young adult visitor from a foreign land, a guest in the home of a very wealthy older man.Opulence, bordering on decadence, permeated every room of the host’s palacial estate. A clever psychopath-in-disguise and less-than-honorable man, the...

Old Beat-Up Violin and Two Masters

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

In high school, learning to play a musical instrument was an elective requirement. The basic goal was to provide young students with a modicum of exposure to various acoustic arts by actively involving them with an opportunity to convert random...

“, for now.”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

No matter what major, moderate or minor crisis, challenge or conundrum you face in any area of your life, please consider adding the words “, for now” to the end of any thought or communication about your problem or concern....

"Feelings Aren't Right"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

“Feelings aren’t right.”They simply exist to orient us to what we need, want or require. Affective experience is an ontogenetic precursor to cognition.Developmentally, feelings occur long before our thinking with language is possible. As such, feelings are pre-verbal and pre-logical.Again, they simply...

The Dandelion and the Rose

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

As a young child, I was extremely curious about why so many of the adults around me considered dandelions to be a weed, especially, when dandelions seemed pretty-enough, in my opinion, to simply be a flower of a different kind. Another...

The Dance of Relationships

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Relationships between a man and a woman are like a dance. With a dance, we have been taught that “the man leads, the woman follows.” However, in my opinion, the man leads by following the woman to lead him. The woman follows by...

How to Be a Good “Crazy” Person!

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Many years ago I stumbled upon the ‘secret formula’ of how to be a good “crazy” person:Simply live your life in such a way that you “know you know and know you mustn’t...”Then whatever follows can only remain a compensatory...

"Oomph!"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I’ve always been infatuated with the word “oomph!”I like the way it sounds akin to a traditional Zen “mantra.” The sound seduces all with an “oom” at the start,And concludes with a powerful “ph” sound at the end. If you listen carefully,...

"Gap Between Thoughts"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

What does it mean when the “master” encourages the “disciple” to “contemplate the gap between thoughts? Exactly what is expected of the “disciple” to satisfy the “master” by tackling such an impossible assignment? Is there really ever any meaning, purpose and...

Begins With the Person

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Personal Mentoring Services begins with the person. If I am the designated mentor, it starts with me. If you are the identified protégé, it starts with you. Each person, from their respective frame of reference, is their own unit of...

"FINE"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Doctor: “How are you?”Patient: “Fine. Doctor: “What would you like to talk about today?”Patient: “Nothing much.” Doctor: “How come?”Patient: “Because I’m fine.” Doctor: “What exactly do you mean by fine?”Patient: “I thought you’d never ask!” “F” stands for fucked-up.”“I” stands for inconsolable.”“N” stands for...

“It’s All Good”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I am indebted to my sister, Brenda, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for mentoring me with the phrase “it’s all good.” You see, Brenda has had her fair share of trials and tribulations in this world, which would have probably brought...

My Bout with the Flue

Written by Glenn B. Gelman, Psy.D.

One winter windy city weekend in 1984, my wife, Barbara, and I were nearly killed by a squirrel but were saved by two dogs – and my sister. The weekend promised to be uneventful. Typical frigid February, Chicago-style, blustery wind,...

Chosen

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

No one wants to be the one who is not “chosen.”There is almost always a sense that the “final selection” is, ultimately, unfair to one or more of the principals...As well as, inevitable questions being raised about one or more...

How High is Up?

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I was immediately hooked on philosophy when a graduate professor in the department of philosophy was forced by his department head to teach an introductory class due to the unexpected withdrawal from the academic commitment by an undergraduate itinerant instructor...

"RAWDEAL"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

As a psychologist, if I have heard it once from my clients, I have probably heard it at least a thousand times, about the “raw deal” that many believed was unfairly visited upon them by an external agent for which...

“Kup Choy’s Caveat”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

During college one of my part-time jobs was unloading bags of mail from the airplanes at the O’Hare Airport postal service.At the time I was very young, very strong and very dumb but I really didn’t know how dumb I...

Winners and Losers

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

The problem with “winners” is that the “losers” almost invariably seek revenge and retaliation. And when the “losers” eventually become the “winners,” the process recapitulates itself, ad infinitum. Human beings seem to innately discern, very quickly, what is deemed to be...

Simple!

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

It is a simple error of logic to think that with the passage of time and the scientific assertion of evolution as a positive consequence of “natural selection,” that modern day human beings are so complexly different from our prehistoric...

"Baby Adult"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

I am indebted to my wife for instructing me how to view our then-24 year old daughter who, while increasingly more capable of fending for herself, might, on occasion have a transient meltdown, necessitating an assist, from either one or...

I Might Just Piss You Off!

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Not that I wish to offend, but sometimes I must.The truth hurts and so, too, does a lie. “Mirror, mirror on the wall...” am I the fairest one of all?Of course you are! After all, who wouldn’t see just how very special...

Reaction vs. Response

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Do you know the difference between a reaction and a response? Consider a marionette which is a puppet manipulated by the puppet master or marionetteer. When the strings are pulled, the marionette reacts in a passive and dependent manner. It has no choice...

"Numbers Are Good!"

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

She started to panic.“Are you ok?” “No!”“Something wrong?” “Yes, I feel faint.”“What do you need?” “Do you have any sugar?”“How about some honey in tea?” “Perfect”, said she.“Crackers, too?” “That will do!”“Diabetic, are you?” “Yes.”“Last time you checked?” “Blood sugar?”“Yes.” “This morning.”“What did it show?” “Numbers are good!”“Could readings...

“Secret Keeper!”

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

“Listen...” “Do you want to know a secret?” “Do you promise not to tell?” Well, I have a really terrific secret for you. I am a “secret keeper!” A real, dyed-in-the-wool secret keeper. I keep secrets, secret! Not every secret, but most every secret. If you are a...

Foot-In-The-Garbage-Can

Written by Larry B. Gelman, Psy.D.

Have you ever found yourself deep into something besmirching which was really messy, icky or dirty in your life? If so, consider my counseling and mentoring visual metaphor of a foot-in-the-garbage can. In fact, I challenge you to actually do it right...

Welcome to Personal Mentoring Services

How to Be a Good “Crazy” Person!

32 Edits

Once A Murderer

"Baby Adult"

Safe, Healthy, Happy

Child's Lament

The Thinker

Just This Much!

Redundant Systems

Your Choice

“It’s All Good”

Foundational Algorithm of Healing and Growth

Now

Reaction vs. Response

“It’s Only 8 Hours, Sonny Boy!”

The Organ Grinder's Monkey

Living with Regret

How High is Up?

The Cause of Death

“Secret Keeper!”

About You

Our Blog

About PMS

Life = Work + Love + Play

Your Mentors

Welcome to Personal Mentoring Services

About You

Our Blog

About PMS

Life = Work + Love + Play

Your Mentors

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Our Most Popular Themes