From Dr. Larry

Dr. Larry Gelman is fiercely devoted to each client, with a deep and profound respect for their own self-agency and self-determination.

Safe, Healthy, Happy

What do parents really and truly want for their children?

We want them to be “safe, healthy and happy.”

Everything else is “frosting on the cake.”

Parents can survive anything save for the loss of their child.

If a child is dead “all hope is lost.”

If a child is alive “anything is possible.”

It is my contention that we best protect our children from life by inoculating them with life...

In doses commensurate with their readiness, willingness and ability...

To navigate and integrate the experience.

Along the way, our kids will get their fair share of “boo-boos” and they will fall down.

All good parents will try to kiss away their transitory pain and suffering...

And cheer them on to get back up and try again and again and again until they eventually succeed.

Loving parents must also learn to alternate between holding their breath and holding their tongue.

The “tween” and “teen” years are, especially, fraught with many difficult and uncertain dangers,

As “peer pressure” and the need to “belong” can lead to a plethora of remarkably “bad outcomes.”

“Sex, drugs and rock and roll” coupled with “flavor of the month” generational fads

Like “riding dirty” or “chillaxing” after “partying non-stop” with multiple “hook-ups”

Creates additional sources of anxiety for the parents of their children.

Very simply, we need, we want and we require our children

No matter what their age or stage of development

To be safe!

If they are not safe...

Then they are NOT safe...

And “all bets are off.”

What parent wants to have a sick or unhealthy child?

A child who is sick or unhealthy will be “unwell.”

“Unwell” kids will suffer and endure as their parents will suffer and endure along with them

Think about all the children you know who grapple with just the normal “growing pains.”

If your kid hurts—or is hurt—their hurt hurts you!

Now think about all the other children who struggle with disabilities, chronic conditions and terminal illnesses.

What’s the old saying?

“If you’ve got your health...

You’ve got everything.”

Some children who don’t have their health “ain’t got nothing”

And nothing is nothing!

But something is something if your child is healthy.

Happiness is much more problematic because I have absolutely no clue, whatsoever,

How to make any child completely happy except to give him or her whatever they want,

In which case you guarantee “spoiling” the child!

Also, while the Declaration of Independence provides for the “pursuit of happiness”

The goal of life is not to be happy,

Rather, in my opinion, it is to become whole!

What parent does not want their child

To be an intact, independent and fully-functioning

Whole person?

So each and every time our children complain of being “unhappy”

Think of these moments as necessary “learning opportunities”

Which serve to protect them from life by inoculating them with it.

What do parents really and truly want for their children?

We want them to be “safe, healthy and happy”... and in that exact order.

Everything else is “frosting on the cake!”

Author Note: Dr. Larry B. Gelman is a Clinical Psychologist and a Personal Mentor


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© 2016 Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA), Personal Mentoring Services (PMS)

Dr. Larry B. Gelman, Dr. Glenn B. Gelman, All Rights Reserved.

"Baby Adult"
Child's Lament
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